I have a little boy who rolls everywhere, low crawls so fast I can barely keep up, laughs at his doggies, smiles the best smiles at Mommy and Daddy, eats solid foods in his high-chair, gives kisses and holds on tight for hugs, sleeps in his own crib, pets his animals, blows raspberries, plays his piano, tries to sit up, notices everything and is determined to get it, and fills our hearts with more love than we have ever felt.
I have written out Jack's birth story once, but it was so boring I wouldn't even try to read it again. So I am gonna try again. Hopefully, it will come out as beautiful as his birth was...
The morning of December 3, 2009 I woke up hurting. I felt nauseas, crampy, and just not right. I got up to use the bathroom and decided I was gonna camp out in bed that day. Jack was already late, but for some reason I wasn't expecting to have a baby yet! My mom was scheduled to arrive the next day, so he had to wait for Gramma right? I called Bobby to tell him I didn't feel good and wasn't going to come decorate his Battalion for Christmas. When I layed back down, the cramps got worse, so I called Bobby back and said maybe he should come home. After 10 or so phone calls back and forth, we decided Bobby would come home for lunch, see how I felt and we'd take it from there.
By the time he arrived home, I was furiously cleaning the house. All I could picture was coming home with a new baby to an unmade bed and dirty floors. I was having what I thought were contractions because they were something I hadn't felt before. We decided to try timing them. To this day, I still cannot figure out Bobby's method of recording contractions, but it worked for him. By the time I got out of the shower, my contractions we about 4 minutes apart. When I called the birth center, I had two contractions on the phone so she said to come on in. I thought I would have time to dry my hair from my shower, but about 2 minutes into the process, I quit.
The 15 minute car ride seemed to take an hour. My contractions had picked up quite a bit, so much that when we got to the birth center, they were about 10 seconds apart. The midwife on call was exactly who I wanted to be there. When she checked my cervix, I was 4 cm dilated. She hooked me up to the monitor, but I was in so much pain I couldn't stay still for the readings. Jack also was apparently sleeping. She suggested I get in the tub to try to slow things down. The tub didn't slow anything down. During my pregnancy, I always asked Bobby if he would be in the tub with me when Jack was born. He would make a face and say no way. So I was surprised when he pulled out his bathing suit and helped me climb into the tub. I was so glad to have him so close, especially when I needed to squeeze things.
My friend Rachel showed up just as I was about to get into the tub. I talked with her for about 5 minutes before I needed to focus completely on laboring. During the three hours I was in the tub, barely anyone spoke. I needed the silence. It helped me focus all my energy on the pain. I guess I even shushed people, but I don't remember that! Being in the water was amazing. I felt weighless. I was able to put pressure on my back when the contractions came. I tried repositioning once, but the pain was worse.
When I was 8-9 cm dilated, I got out of the tub to have my water broken. I had the most painful contraction after that and Bobby helped me back to the tub. I could now feel Jack in my pelvis. With each contraction, it felt like I pushed forever. It felt so much better to push. With every push, I felt Jack come further and further down. My midwife kept telling me to reach down and feel his hair, but I knew he wasn't out very much. Finally they convinced me to reach down and just as I thought, he was hardly out. I was hoping like half of his head was out, at least that's what it felt like! I remember looking at Bobby towards the end. I will never forget his face. It was this pride and awe I have never seen in a person before.
Once Jack's head was out I had to stop pushing so my midwife could check the cord. I wanted to push so bad then, I wanted to hold my baby. I really don't remember pushing again. He was just in my arms. He was beautiful. The water had washed him off, so his skin was a gorgeous pinky color. You could tell he had blonde hair. His little fingers grasped the air, looking for something to hold. I took them and held him close. He started to cry and for a moment it was all I heard. It was like we were the only people in the room. I looked down at my son, the little baby I grew inside me, and felt the world melt away. The instant love you feel is better than you could imagine.
When I looked up at Bobby, he had tears in his eyes. I probably did too. After Jack got all his blood from the umbilical cord, Bobby seperated us. It really felt like the moment I gave Jack life. He was now his own little person. The most wonderful part about the birth center was that Jack never left my sight. While I was finishing up with the birth, Bobby held Jack skin to skin on his chest. I loved watching my boys bond. Then Jack was given back to me to nurse. He latched right on. It was amazing to look down and watch this minutes old baby know what to do.
And here we are 6 months later. I still love to watch Jack nurse. He has changed so much in how he nurses. He's at the point now where he looks around and things distract him. I have to hold his hand so he doesn't try to fit his hand and my nipple in his mouth. I can't wait to see what the next six months have to bring. Then he can stop growing. I want to keep my baby a baby forever...
I love you Jackson...